archive of posts from April, 2008

Supermarket Sheep

What is it with Tesco – I mean, is it a sign that they have too much money? Or is there some sort of pay-off, some sort of quid-pro-quo arrangement with local Government or something? But they seem to employ so many people with the sole purpose of blocking up the aisles, whether themselves, in conversational congregations, or with over-sized trolleys that don’t seem to be serving any purpose whatsoever. Fair enough, these people might struggle to find employment elsewhere, but it seems a little over-the-top – one or two you could understand!

Or is it something more? Something more complex. Is there an embracement of chaos theory occurring here, random obstacles in the aisles being used as targeted breaks on the overall flow of traffic and therefore reducing the amount of traffic reaching the checkouts at times of peak congestion. more »

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Well, it tickled me…

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Going Nowhere

There was this old man on a bike, a short, portly man long-separated from most of his hair, pedaling uphill, (or at least trying to). There seemed to be rather more of the man than the bike, the folds of flash beneath his tension-taut reddening face were a sight to be missed – think Jabba the Hutt balanced on a push-bike, struggling to pedal uphill whilst the bike wobbled precariously backward beneath him. It was taking all of his effort to keep pedaling forwards, to counteract the gravitational forces, which meant his speed was effectively zero, which meant his balance was effectively absent. He was looking ever-more pleadingly at the pedestrians, may be he hoped for an extra push or maybe he just wanted a helping hand to stay upright, but there’s something about a sweaty fat man falling off a bike towards you that puts even the good Samaritan off!

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I happened to catch the beginning of ‘In Search Of Medieval Britain‘, and in the introduction to the episode, Dr. Alixe Bovey told us:

I’ll be making my way to the largest city in medieval England … [pause for the purpose of suspense]

Guess what? It was London! No shit, Sherlock! Who ever would have thought?!!

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… So I was walking back from the supermarket, suitably encumbered with my shopping, when I had to step into the road to work around this old geezer who was wielding his walking stick rather recklessly, only as I’m re-ascending the curb the geezer pulls me from my musical cocoon – which is always an irritation, …

But the request he made was bizarre: he asked me to help him with his shoe-laces. It took me by surprise, so it took a few seconds to register. I looked down at his feet, his shoe-laces were both untied, obviously he’d made no attempt to tie them – he’d put his shoes on, and his coat on, and walked out into the street with the express intention of stopping a stranger to sort out his shoe-laces – EH??!!! more »

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I think I must have just wasted about a week of my life installing/uninstalling/reinstalling/re-uninstalling/etc… Nero Express 7. Not only did it make a total fucking mess of my computer but it managed to fuck up every other program that even tries to make use of a CD drive – BASTARDS!

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CHOCOLATE TEAPOTS #004 | Marketing Expenses


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